Category: Life Skills-Creativity-Art

N is for No’ing to Know … Spirituality A to Z

Posted on by cmryan

I never expected such a title or topic to come to mind when writing about aspects or practices of Spirituality. As I gave more thought to the idea of saying “No” to those things that do not support my soul’s expression or highest Good, the topic made perfect sense. It’s a way of setting boundaries yet doing so in a loving way, a positive way, and thus, a positive “No.” Let me offer a couple of examples.

When I say I’m unable to babysit for one of my darling little grandchildren, it’s not because I don’t want to spend time with them. I often have multiple reasons for everything and this is no different. In this case I might say “No” because the timing doesn’t work with plans I’ve already made…and…because it’s important that grandma not be the only source of babysitting services. When I tell certain church members that a particular idea cannot be pursued at the moment, it may be because of other budgetary obligations that take precedence or it conflicts with something else already planned for that time period or it doesn’t fit with the vision of the church.

In either scenario the decision to say “No” brings with it a need or desire to Know why such a decision is being made – both for the person making the decision and the one(s) on the receiving side of the decision. I believe the Knowing comes before the No’ing; to be sure I can stand behind my decision.

One of the things that drove me crazy in childhood, when I was learning how to reason things out, was when a parent or other adult would say “No” to a request, followed by “because I said so” when challenged. This taught me to be certain about my responses. And since I’m a relatively positive person anyway, saying “No” does not come as easily as “Yes!” – although my young children would have debated otherwise.

However, lately, I know that saying “No” to someone else’s request that places a burden on my time and energies is really a “Yes” to me. It’s a way of setting my boundaries so I don’t take on too much. Also, a temporary “No” provides additional time to evaluate a situation before moving forward and perhaps changing the answer to “Yes” or a stronger “No.” Whatever the situation may be, it’s important to Know the reason for your answer and be able to respond to the “why” if someone asks the question.

As I have learned to say “No” to situations and people for the benefit of my growth and independence, as well as for their growth and independence, I have come to know myself in ways I never imagined. I’ve learned courage and strength in standing up for myself. I’m uncovering what it is that I like to do and not do. I’ve discovered where I’ve been giving away too much of myself – to the energy-drainers around me (whether people or unproductive habits) – and am plugging up the leaks in loving and firm ways. I feel a greater sense of serenity as I say “No” to the chaos and drama, sooner rather than later.

I’m “No’ing” to Know the authentic and vibrant Life that is me. This truly is a Spiritual practice and one that requires diligent self-care and commitment to a deeper vision, a higher consciousness, of who I am. What a journey this is! You’re all invited to come along.

L is for Love and so much more! … Spirituality A to Z

Posted on by cmryan

L-O-V-E is one of those four-letter words that carries a power all its own. Its impact on your mind and heart can be determined by recent or past experiences and relationships. In the human realm the idea of love can often be a fleeting one…here today, maybe gone tomorrow – or at least in a few years. Even love of ourselves can be conditional if it’s based on how we’re feeling about ourselves physically, emotionally, financially, or spiritually. And yet, there’s more to love than this elusive nature we often give it.

Love, with a capital “L,” the one that relates to the eternal and Divine Nature that is God and that also resides in each of us…is always present…never fails…never waivers…never gives up, but is always giving. This Love is eternal within us. Yes, we can sometimes obliterate its presence from our awareness, but it never leaves us and is always seeking expression in some way through us.

How many of us have gone through a relationship break-up and sworn never to love again? …until we’re in the company of a puppy or an infant puppies2_whiteand we start goo-goo’ing with baby talk all over the place. Love. Have you ever worked your way out of an angry moment or event by cleaning up the house or garage or garden? …and then you stand back to admire your work and realize how good you feel about yourself. Love. There are many ways to reconnect with or awaken that deep Love within. You can play the piano, sew a garment, paint a wall or canvas, watch your favorite movie, read a special book, listen to great music, look through a photo album, take a walk in nature, hold hands with a loved one, cuddle up in a warm bed, meditate, or gaze across the ocean or from a mountain top. Love.

Rekindling Divine Love – if that be the case for you from time to time – does not require being in human relationship with another. Divine Love is the connection and deep sense of belonging we can and do share with God. Love, as God, wants to express through us in a multitude of ways and depths. Love, as God, knows only Oneness and Good, and desires us to experience the same.

Yet we can choose whom we will love on this earthly plain, and how much or how little we give to each one or ourselves. We decide who or what gets our attention. We can inventory our Spiritual center, the core of Love within each of us, and portion it out. We choose who gets close to us and how much we share of ourselves and our Divine Nature. But Love never stops trying to express.

The thing is…when our best and deepest Love (that is God) is awakened in that soulful center within, we will never know a sense of loss or pain. puppy_whiteAny human connection is temporal at best…we will all leave this physical life at one time or another. So Love to the fullest. Enjoy heart-to-heart connections. Peer into the deep knowingness of another and express your true and authentic self as well. You are never alone, never abandoned, when Spirit is your all-powerful and eternal Love. Truly, Love is all there is!

I is for Intuition… Spirituality A to Z

Posted on by cmryan

There is something magical about listening to that Still Small Voice within me, which I refer to as Intuition. When I listen, and actually follow that Divine Inner Guidance, I am repeatedly amazed at the Good that unfolds in my experience of Life. The key to following the correct guidance, however, lies in being able to identify it properly: is it Intuition or ego?

The way I’ve been able to simplify knowing which “voice” is speaking to me is by the length of the dialogue that goes on in my head. I always know it’s Intuition if the thought is instant and complete. It happens all at once and there is no question about it. I know that I know. However, if an idea comes to me and then is followed by a mental debate or other mind questioning chatter, that’s my ego. This delineation of these two guidance systems has never failed me.

Intuition has expressed itself when I’ve been guided in a particular direction – whether it’s an idea that comes to me to create something, in my writing, or to drive down a particular street. Some people call it a gut feeling, a knowing, or a sixth sense. One definition I found describes Intuition this way: “the ability to understand something immediately, without the need for conscious reasoning.” I prefer to substitute “conscious reasoning” in this case, with “human reasoning.”

I need to be Spiritually conscious in order to hear that inner voice. I like to think of Intuition as the way God communicates with me. And what I’ve learned is that the more I pay attention to Divine Guidance, the more God communicates with me. Unless I’m open to listening (such as through meditation), unless I’m Spiritually conscious, my ego mind-chatter drowns out any God-messages that are there for me to hear. It’s up to me to pay attention.

Pausing in my activities and daydreaming during moments of writing or other creative endeavors are really ways to stop and listen to the Infinite Creator’s direction of what to say next, or where to go, or to try something new. It’s a way to separate the wheat from the chaff…of what is truly important from the non-essentials of my experiences. My ego doesn’t always like such pure direction and thought, so it can sometimes get in the way of what truly needs to be communicated by adding a bunch of gobble-di-gook for attention. (Like that last sentence.)

Intuition allows me to stay connected to Spirit, to God, in a most personal and intimate way. I see it as God’s way of speaking through me…expressing as me…and I honor and cherish those moments of awareness. I’m paying attention more so I can connect more; to demonstrate a higher quality of living and a loving beingness in Life. As a result, I get to be in that Universal Flow where everything just happens in perfect timing and Divine right expression. It’s amazing!

F is for Faith or Fear… Spirituality A to Z

Posted on by cmryan

A wise friend once told me, “You can’t have Fear and Faith at the same time – choose.”

Yes, you get to choose. And to the degree you focus on one or the other, your choice determines how you will fare through any situation or decision.

What I’ve discovered as I contemplate this equation is that it takes very little Fear or Faith to tip the scales in the other direction, depending on the situation.

Fear-Baby-2The seed of Faith is and always has been present, waiting to be nurtured, cultivated, and allowed to grow to fuller expression. The weed of Fear has always been with us, too, although it was initially in our infant make-up only as the fear of falling and loud noises. All other fears developed as we grew, coming from those around us and society in general, especially through the media. Fear is a learned characteristic.

It takes a concerted effort to not get caught up in the hysteria of news events and tragedies that bombard our psyche on a daily basis. Yes, sad things happen. Yes, some of those acts are brutal, senseless, and unforgiveable. As long as we continue to view and share and repeatedly talk about such cruelty, that is what will continue being created in our minds and our world… and Fear will maintain its foothold in our race consciousness. We need to stop replaying the tapes or teaching these fears from one generation to the next. There is another option.

Be selective with what you fill your mind and thoughts. Be informed and be objective, yet learn to be non-attached to the form of negative experience. If the acts of violence you see projected through the media are too much, then turn off those programs!

Let me clarify, learn to separate your awareness from the act itself…to look beyond it…and focus on the person or people behind it. While it may take some effort and a change in your own beliefs to accept it, that person or those people are just like you and me – human, God-beings in physical form.

For whatever reason, they are coming from a place of Fear, brought on by misguided information, erroneous instruction, habitual cultural or religious teachings that have gotten off-track at some point. When you react with Fear…rather than responding with understanding, love, objectivity, non-attachment, or forgiveness – and a Faith in the God within …then you and I only perpetuate the cycle of Fear and it becomes stronger in everyone involved.

While this level of Fear may describe a global situation or local tragedy, and be perhaps a most difficult challenge to address with Faith and Love, you can apply the same awareness in your everyday life. For example, a toddler has complete Faith that his parent or grandparent will catch and protect him from falling when he throws himself backward in their arms. The only time Fear may eventually appear is if no one catches him…time and again…and trust is broken with that person and caution takes precedent in future behavior.

You move from Fear to Faith when you try again after a failed relationship. No matter how bad it was before, you believe and trust that it MUST be better next time. There’s a time for healing and renewal, eventually leading to a rebirth of Love.

There might also be Fear about changing jobs or starting a business. Previous experiences of non-success (AKA mistakes or failures) may slow your decision-making process to the state of paralysis, making NO decision for long periods of time…until, finally, you MUST listen to that voice of Faith and take at least one step in the direction of your dream simply because the voice of Creation won’t be quiet.

When properly recognized, Fear can be a useful tool as an early warning system within our psyche. Acknowledge it. Look at it. Reveal the love-floating-heartssource causing it and resolve to move beyond it through Faith in a Higher Power, Unlimited Intelligence and Eternal Love.

Grow within you a belief that everything DOES eventually work out for the Good of Life overall. You can stay in Fear…or move forward in Faith and watch your world change. You choose.

D is for Decide… Spirituality A to Z

Posted on by cmryan

I love how Universal Principles follow the alphabet in a natural and logical progression. Thus far we have looked at how we need to (A) ASK for what we want. Then, it is critical to (B) BELIEVE in what you have asked for; that it is already a possibility in the Mind of God. This abundant Universe will most likely provide you with (C) CHOICES from which you can select the best options…and usually better ones than you could have thought for yourself. However, until you DECIDE, take action, nothing happens. D…is for Decide.

“It does not take much strength to do things, but it requires a great deal of strength to decide what to do.” ― Elbert Hubbard

You can ask, believe, and review the choices in front of you, but until you act…until you make a decision …it’s as if you’re standing in front of an open refrigerator full of food expecting a meal to jump out at you – all prepared and ready to eat. It’s not going to happen! You need to select/decide what you wish to eat, prepare it or cook it, and put it on your plate.

The same is true in Life. The same is true about your thoughts and beliefs – you can and do choose them. And as a result of deciding what you think and believe the majority of the time, you create your world. Your beliefs, consciously created or absorbed through culture (race consciousness), become thoughts, actions, and eventually your life. Gandhi said it wonderfully:

“Your beliefs become your thoughts… Your thoughts become your words… Your words become your actions… Your actions become your habits… Your habits become your values… Your values become your destiny.” – Gandhi

Every step in this process involves making a decision. No one thinks for you. No one speaks for you. After you come of age, no one decides your habits or your values. You get to decide what you will keep as your own from childhood – or from ANY experience. It’s empowering! Each one of us gets to decide how we will respond to Life’s challenges. Each one of us gets to decide how we will serve or be in the world. And each one of us gets to be responsible for what we decide.

Whether we’ve been aware of it or not, these Universal Principles (and more) are how Life is created. Whether we acknowledge the Principles through using them – try to ignore them or work around them – they’re still in place responding to our thoughts, words and actions. Whether our experiences are of our own conscious creation or as a result of the world’s impact on us, these Principles, these Laws, rule. It’s so much easier to work WITH the Universal Laws than to keep getting knocked down because we refuse to acknowledge them.

“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo. “So do I,” said Gandalf, and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” ― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

Every day is your opportunity to Decide anew. You can continue on the path you’ve been traveling or take a new one, even if it’s only to test out something different for awhile – then Decide again. Perhaps it’s time to try a different approach in a relationship or a new attitude at work. You might be thinking about job options or an alternate living arrangement. Maybe you want to express your art or fashion choices with new designs. It might be time to go back to school or change careers or stop working altogether. Whatever it is that keeps coming up in your thoughts, it will not go away until the issue is addressed and a decision is made.

Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Then, once you make a decision, one based on that Spiritual “knowing” (intuition)… one that has no doubts about being the right choice… amazing things begin to happen. It’s the kind of decision where you know that you know that you know. There’s no sound of the ego voice debating in your head. Everything unfolds in absolutely perfect timing for your highest and best Good, and your life expands in Joy and Beauty and Love and Peace.

If one advances confidently in the direction of one’s dreams, and endeavors to live the life which one has imagined, one will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. – Henry David Thoreau

I have learned to trust Divine Power by starting with little decisions, witnessing the results, and gradually working up to grander ones as my “mental equivalent” has grown. As my trust grows, my choices and decisions have gotten larger, too. My confidence in Spirit has increased. My vision and life has expanded in wonderful and loving ways I only dreamed of years ago.

My challenge now is to ask and believe in ideas and endeavors that heal me, challenge me, and grow me in areas dear to my heart…maybe even make me a little nervous because they’re so much bigger than I used to dream. True, it can be about acquiring material things, and those are also in my realm of possibility thinking. Yet, they’re not the only areas of growth on which I must decide.

The decisions I make today are more often about the person I’m creating inside this human form. The focus is on becoming the highest expression of God I can envision. And just when I think I’ve achieved the best “me” possible…that this version is decidedly so much better than what I used to be…another choice presents itself and the A-B-C-D process begins anew. And so it is.

C is for Choice… Spirituality A to Z

Posted on by cmryan

C is for Choice … and has been my favorite Spiritual aspect of Life for many years. We have so many choices! The only limitations are those we place on ourselves. Even NOT making a specific or direct choice is making one. NOT having a CHOICE is NOT an option. Isn’t that great? That means there’s no excuse not to be involved in what kind of life you ultimately enjoy or experience and how you respond (react) to it. You choose.

When you have to make a choice and don’t make it, that is in itself a choice. – William James

I suppose I could stop there. I mean, really, how much is there to say about Choice? Actually, I can’t say enough about it! It’s been the foundation for my life’s direction and creation for so long – my underlying mantra – my driving force and inspiration – that it deserves more than just a short paragraph. I believe so deeply in the freedom of Choice and live it so passionately, that it’s actually irritated folks I know from time to time. They get tired of me saying, “You can do _____ OR you can do _____ OR ….”

Every man builds his world in his own image. He has the power to choose, but no power to escape the necessity of choice. – Ayn Rand

Mostly, I think, the reason for the upset is because I don’t buy into being stuck…there’s a choice for everything:  job, home, relationship, attitude, religious focus, hair color… the list is endless. There’s no reason to feel trapped. Each experience brings with it the opportunity to make a Choice each step of the way. Each Choice brings with it a consequence (good or bad). One Choice at a time, Life unfolds before us and lays down the path on which we tread.

Every art and every inquiry, and similarly every action and choice, is thought to aim at some good; and for this reason the good has rightly been declared to be that at which all things aim. – Aristotle

Perhaps the biggest Choice to make is what we “think” about anything, especially our attitudes and beliefs. No matter how hard our parents tried…no matter how hard we try with our children or grandchildren… with our spouse or anyone else for that matter… we can’t be told or dictated to about what to think. The mind, if nothing else, is the one sacred space we call our very own. The secrets of our mind are safe behind sealed lips. Let not the eyes betray us. We have the Choice to think thoughts based in positive energy and Universal flow, or to sink to depths that would require lengthy ropes to pull us out. Still, it is a Choice.

We need to teach the next generation of children from day one that they are responsible for their lives. Mankind’s greatest gift, also its greatest curse, is that we have free choice. We can make our choices built from love or from fear. – Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

With such a powerful tool at your disposal, where do you direct your Choice? Perhaps, it’s how you will use your time… what approach you will take to getting well… who you will share your life with… where you will go to school or on vacation… what attitude you will bring to work today… what priorities you will address in any given moment. Does Choice not offer the most incredible opportunities to create a life uniquely your own?

A life lived of choice is a life of conscious action. A life lived of chance is a life of unconscious creation. – Neale Donald Walsch

Choice, when done with Love behind and through it, for the highest Good of yourself and what you can offer to the world, is a gift of God beyond compare! It’s pure, Divine Intelligence speaking to us as that still, small Voice. Listen well…and choose with Love.

B is for Belief… Spirituality A to Z

Posted on by cmryan

For the next few writings, I will focus on one word or phrase of spiritual significance and offer a New Thought perspective on the topic…from A to Z. If you have any particular words or phrases you would like to offer for a topic, feel free to send them to my church email address:   [email protected].

B is for Belief and closely follows the “A = Ask” idea offered in the previous writing. Belief or Faith can come in a second of recognition or result from experiences over time.

One of the key questions in life is to ask yourself:  What do I believe or where do I place my faith?

We can believe in people, facts, opinions, philosophies or principles – whether that principle is physical, universal or religious. The options are varied and subject to change throughout our lives. Perhaps that is why it is a good idea to examine your beliefs from time to time; they change. Yet, your beliefs create your experiences and your life.

To begin this topic, take a look at two Biblical references where Jesus states that what has been done is due to a person’s belief (Matt. 8:13 and Matt. 9:29). I’ve often paraphrased these writings by saying, “It is done unto you as you believe.” Frankly, I believe and know this to be true. It’s very similar to a Science of Mind (SOM) statement often taught in classes: “What you focus on grows!” Where you put your attention, will increase or grow – whether in importance or substance. It HAS to!

Let me give you a simple example. For most of my adult female life I’ve wanted to experience having long and beautiful fingernails – my own, not the plastic or artificial variety. Yet, my patience usually ran out before the nails could grow…or …the type of activities I was doing would damage what was there… or…my diet was poor and they split and peeled and broke… or …I gnawed them into oblivion …up until now.

19608359-beautiful-womans-hand-with-perfect-nail-french-manicureFinally, after decades of sporadic consciousness and limited attention, everything is in alignment when it comes to my fingernails. I’m eating properly and taking added calcium. I’m cautious about projects that require “heavy lifting” or can be rough on my hands. I’m no longer in a profession where short nails are required. My stress is handled differently than chewing on my appendages. And I pay regular attention to their care, maintenance and beauty. My focus on this one aspect of my physical beingness has allowed my body to produce a desired intention. I believe I can grow fingernails long and strong. I KNOW I can!

The same kind of attention – placed on ANY desired intention – will also produce its own results as long as the attention and focus is there until it manifests into being. Ernest Holmes taught Practitioners to “treat until we get results” (SOM prayer work is referred to as spiritual mind treatment). The recommendation is to pray/treat daily for what you choose to create in your life…and then release that prayer so the Universal Law or God can go to work on your request to bring it into experience. It can be about Love, Abundance, Wellness, Joy, Peace, etc. – unlimited possibilities abound.

Whatever you can focus on, whatever you believe you can do in your life, have faith about it …until it comes into manifestation…until it comes into your experience. Wayne Dyer said: “Believe it and you will see it!” Too often we give up on ourselves for the Good that we desire and start complaining and worrying so much that we end up creating those exact worries and fears instead. So, I ask again, What do you believe?

“Your beliefs become your thoughts. Your thoughts become your words. Your words become your actions. Your actions become your habits. Your habits become your values. Your values become your destiny.” -M.K. Gandhi

I know…I believe…that wherever and whatever I put my focus on in a consistent and earnest manner, with a focus to experience Good, must eventually manifest in my life. No doubt in my mind, my heart or my prayers. And I’ve got the fingernails to prove it!

A Positive No

Posted on by cmryan

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where saying “no” to someone was actually a positive thing to do? It can be a way of declining a suggestion you may not want to experience. This, of course, can be done in various ways and intonations, depending on how much you feel you’re being pushed into something or who is involved. However, a Positive No has its own unique sound.

A Positive No comes first from Love. This can be Love for oneself, a conscious form of self-care. For example, you might decide not to participate in an activity with friends because you really need rest from a busy day or week. It can be Love for the safety of another, such as shouting a commanding “NO!” to a child wandering too close to a busy street.

A Positive No can also be utilized when you’re setting boundaries with others who have been used to getting only a “yes” from you in the past. It can be particularly difficult to say “no” to one’s children at times; especially when their circumstances are dire and help is limited. However, continuing to do (whatever) for anyone when they could and should do it for themselves becomes an enabling pattern that cripples everyone in the relationship. It becomes a hard habit to break, resentments build, self-esteem suffers, and relationships wither.

Someone needs to take the first step. In such a situation either person can make the change … the one who has been repeatedly asking for help or the person providing the help. It only takes one person with the awareness to see the cycle appearing again, and then having the courage to take action – in a loving manner – so that both parties can become disentangled from each other and begin the steps toward a mutually respectful relationship. The goal is to create an independent or interdependent, loving connection …rather than one of co-dependence and suffocation.

I now find myself – as one of thousands (maybe millions) of other Baby Boomers do – sandwiched between caring for aging parents in some way, as well trying to help out adult children and perhaps grandchildren. I question myself as to whether a situation really calls for me to participate and what my motive is when I choose to…or not.  There are sure to be some situations when the reason is not so clearly defined and others when there is no doubt at all what I must do. In each instance, I have the option to say “yes” or “no.”

I keep in mind a lesson taught to me on my first airline flight 25 years ago:  I must put on my oxygen mask first BEFORE I can help anyone else, including my child. If I can’t breathe or survive, I won’t be able to help them. I once heard motivational speaker Jim Rohn say, “The best thing you can do for the poor is not become one.” Sometimes that means making the difficult decision to decline a loved one’s request for help, especially if it puts you at great risk in some way…financially, emotionally, physically, etc. The ideal, of course, is a mutually beneficial arrangement – where everyone shares in the risk and success …where everyone grows from the experience.

I must remember to ALWAYS come from a place of Love…not from fear or anger or guilt…or even a self-imposed obligation. My heart and mind will know whether I am doing a service or an injustice. As long as I listen to the still small voice of the Divine Presence, I will be rightly guided. As long as I heed God’s direction and not ego’s, even a “no” can be a “yes” for the Highest Good of all involved.  And so it is.

It’s All In Your Mind

Posted on by cmryan

There’s a colloquial saying that claims, “It’s all in your head.” I remember hearing that phrase on occasion when I was growing up, especially when I would start to project about some concern or problem happening in the future that would totally ruin my teenage life. The phrase was meant to stop me from such a negative train of thought. I later took it to mean that I was creating an unnecessary problem in my life. Both interpretations are correct…I know that now.

It truly is all in one’s head or mind. What we think about most often…positive or negative…we create in our lives or attract to us in some way. This means we must be diligent in our thinking and not fall into complacency. It means being aware and rigorously honest about the intentions, the motives, behind our thoughts, asking ourselves from time to time, “What was the real reason I said that [snippy, loving, mean, kind] remark?” or “Why did I treat him/her that way?” or “Where did that comment come from?”

I find it interesting to examine my thinking patterns to be sure I’m on the right track toward creating the life I intend to have – now and in the future. What is it I REALLY want to experience?

Right now, my focus is on Balance/Harmony, Abundance and Peace. This means I must also consider living from Love and acknowledging my connection with all Life. I must focus on the Universal Principles that are behind all creation…these (and other) “qualities” of God (as referred to in Religious Science).

This type of focus can be a challenge with so many distractions in the world or life in general. What I’ve noticed is that as I become more attuned to living and thinking from my God-Self, my human ego-self gets a bit unsettled, wanting to return to old habits and avoiding any change in the status quo. Opportunities for Spiritual growth continue to present themselves as a kind of challenge to see if I’m really making any progress…to test my commitment to this path. Sometimes, it can be two steps forward and one step back, depending on whom I’m interacting with and what the challenge might be. Yet, the evolution of Higher Consciousness will not be stopped.

The point is to be aware…to stay connected to Divine Love…to know that what you create in your life and what you are now or will experience… is truly all in your mind. You and I get to decide–in each second, each moment, with each thought, word and action–how we’re showing up in the world.

What does that look like for you today? Pay attention!

My Broken Stick

Posted on by cmryan

Our deck has been in serious need of staining or painting for some time. Fortunately, my husband has decided to make this “his project” of the summer. He has spent several hours applying the first coat of stain, moving deck furniture, refilling buckets (I helped), and climbing ladders. It’s a lovely transition as the dark and weathered wood becomes clean and white. He’s making great progress on his own. However, I’m confident he’ll allow me to help soon.

Meanwhile, I spent a little time the other morning watering the trees and shrubs, the flowers and herb gardens. It provided me a ground-level perspective of the raised deck and the new paint project. While the water provided a drink for the plants, I sipped my morning coffee and surveyed the workmanship. I love house painting (mainly inside). Yet I’ve managed to stay out of his way and say very little about the process …until I saw the damage.

There on the ground, under the leg of a heavy extension ladder lying on its side, was one of my prized yard ornaments. A cherished walking stick was now broken in half. It had clearly been knocked from its revered position by something or someone. It now lay crushed in the dirt. My mood went from admiration to anger in a split second. No mention of this horrific act had been made in the past few days. But there was no doubt in my mind who was responsible. The painter man.

You see, this wasn’t just ANY walking stick. It had been found in the woods of Michigan by my elderly father. It came from a white birch_woodspaper birch tree, one of my top three favorite trees. The stick reminded me of the special times when dad would take a young me for walks, exploring the woods. The best feature was the twisted, curling shape at its center that made it so unique. That part was still intact. My dad had presented me with this odd stick on one of my visits to Michigan years ago. I packed it into my car and drove it back to Colorado. The walking stick became a yard ornament rather than for its intended use. I had moved it between new and old homes, protecting it, placing it in a significant position in the yard near the deck. It leaned patiently and gently against the post, waiting for someone to engage it in meaningful activity. And now it was broken.

I picked up the two disconnected pieces of useless walking support. I was in tears and somewhat surprised at my emotional reaction. But I could not keep quiet about the treatment being shown to my family treasures. I marched over to the basement window that shielded the painter man from my vengeance and called his name. He signaled that he was on a telephone call, so I stomped around in frantic circles in plain view until he got off the phone. I was so lost in my sorrow and anger that I didn’t notice him until he was standing on the half-finished deck, looking down, and asking me what was wrong.

I held up the two remnants of Nature’s exquisite art piece and yelled, “You broke my stick!”

The painter man was speechless. I could tell he was searching my facial expression to see if I was truly serious about this.

As soon as the words escaped my mouth, I recognized the absurdity of what I was doing. A smile also managed to escape with my tears. And in that moment I surrendered my anger, my ego, and my attachment to this piece of a dead tree branch from another state. It was just a stick! That’s all. Its only value came from my memories…its significance was based on emotions from within my mind…from a weak attachment to a distant place I rarely visited…and to a beautiful childhood experience of long ago.

I leaned the two halves gently onto another yard ornament (given to me by my son many years prior), telling the painter man the significance of that piece as well. He promised he would fix the stick right away. I assured him it wasn’t necessary.

The broken walking stick became more valuable to me in that discovery moment of its destruction than I had ever recognized or appreciated in its idle wholeness. Its bittersweet message – and all the other memories – can be cherished again and again, simply at the mention (or sight) of “my broken stick” now laid to rest and surrounded by flowers.