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A Full & Temporary Life

Posted on by cmryan

My husband just returned from several weeks of traveling overseas for business. It was sometimes a challenge to connect by computer video call or telephone due to the time differences. But we managed to succeed. The brief video calls we shared, so filled with laughter and love, will always be part of my memory. I discovered that, even during bouts of loneliness, I could function and even be happy in this temporary single life.

The thing is, you can’t catch up on the time apart. It’s in the past…spent…gone. What you CAN do is appreciate every moment in the NOW…the present and active experience in which you find yourself.

So I took the opportunity to visit my son and his family in another state – road trip – bringing with me my daughter and her children. The family gathering of siblings and grandchildren, dogs and air mattresses, preparing evening meals and impromptu fun activities with the kids, brought with the chaos a memory of my own childhood and a large family. I felt comfortable in the chaos and activity of multiple lives all buzzing around in one house. However, we all agreed and appreciated that this was only a temporary living arrangement; not one that we wanted to reinstate.

The day before my husband’s return home I had the pleasure of visiting with two of my dear and long-time friends, spending several hours with each of them in turn. One travels often for business; the other will soon be moving to another state. It wasn’t that we needed to catch up on each other’s lives or relive days gone by; it was more a time to go deeper into life’s meanings, challenges, and sharing solutions to problems that we’d discovered or found helpful. Spending time together like this is a temporary experience to be savored in the present moment.

All life is temporary. Each experience…idea…job…home…relationship…your body… season…a moment of connection…is either evolving into something deeper or transitioning, coming and going in cycles through a lifetime. Even our memories of the experiences are temporary and often uncertain. The other person may not get that same sentiment from the same physical experience. Yet, at the soul level, somewhere deep within each of us, we have connected in consciousness, in that moment.

My memory is important only to me; yours to you…yet we often want to hold on and relive it in our minds or try to recapture or re-enact the experience. It’s never the same, not really. Time has passed; it’s over. Living in the past robs us of real present-moment experiences or appreciating a significant and meaningful future.

This NOW, this temporary moment, this present experience is where our attention is needed. It’s all we have. It’s where we create the life we live. If we can pay attention, be mindful, of what is before us, we will live with such fullness that loneliness or separation will find no room in our heart or mind. Instead, we will be filled with the contentment of a lifetime of joyful experiences; each one fully appreciated, fully lived, and fully loved.

Afternoon Delight

Posted on by cmryan

There was once a popular song entitled “Afternoon Delight.” While this writing is not about the lyrics of that song, recent activities have brought up for me the joy of living and the gratitude of being… which are best described by the word “delight.” Perhaps you can relate.

Things That Bring Me Delight

  • Recently I shared a swing set with one of my granddaughters. As we traveled back and forth in the wind, pushing our feet to and fro to go ever higher and higher, the little girl inside me was giddy with delight.  I remembered how much I always loved to swing.
  • Earlier in the week I completed the formatting for a new curriculum version of a class I just began teaching, and am thrilled with the depth and richness it offers my students.
  • Today, an old but working kitchen stove was picked up and taken away after sitting for days in the driveway with a “free” sign on it.
  • My almost-new dog is teaching me how she plays keep-away and tug-of-war with her toys. I got to buy new ones to replace the ones we’re wearing out.
  • I’m always ecstatic when I prepare my Sunday message or these blog writings and end up with more material than I need to use.
  • At bedtime I enjoy reading a book, checking up on my social media site to see what my “friends” are doing, then shutting off all the technology and cuddling up with my husband before dropping off to sleep. The routine makes me smile.
  • And on those mornings, when I get on the bathroom scale weighing slightly less than I did the day before, I’m very delighted with my progress.

Delight contains many aspects and emotions, but not necessarily all at the same time. Delight is joy and happiness… love… gratitude and appreciation… a now-moment experience… content­ment… peace… laughter. What I have found is that the more I recognize this feeling of delight, the more I find it. It shows up everywhere! It’s also very addicting.

I love this feeling of being so much in the “now” that life is totally fulfilling, no matter what is going on. By being so completely aware of what is happening right here, right now, my activity feels complete… as I’m experiencing it. There’s no concern about what’s going to happen next because this moment isn’t done yet. I’m not making any plans for the next project because I’m having fun with this one. And when other people are involved and we’re totally focused on whatever we’re doing, it deepens our relationship… creates a memory… strengthens our bond… and further clarifies our purpose in each other’s lives.

It’s a way to experience the full and loving presence of the Divine… live lightly… delightfully! Grab those moments; hold them for just a few seconds longer. Learn to really appreciate Life!

What brings you delight?

Connection

Posted on by cmryan

I’m in the midst of a countdown list of things to do as I prepare for a mini-vacation with family…I will be with my children and all my grandchildren for the first time ever!

While we all maintain contact through various technologies on at least a weekly basis, we definitely look forward to the face-to-face visits with great enthusiasm. At the same time…between all the pre-vacation preparations, the long days of driving to another state, and the fact that I really love my home, I sometimes find it difficult to make the journey. Yet, I’m always glad that I do. The connection we have as a family is stronger than any excuse not to go.

It takes time and energy to maintain quality relationships, whether it’s with your spouse, children, extended family, friends or groups in which a person is involved (such as church, work, hobbies, etc.). Oftentimes, and sadly, relationships can deteriorate and even fade away just from the lack of attention they so desperately need.

One of the best pieces of advice I ever received about relationships is that they need to be fed. For example, in a marriage, both individuals need to contribute love, time, energy and respect (plus more!) in order for this vital union to survive. Both people need to contribute to the connection they share. It’s like a three-legged stool. It’s necessary to think of the relationship as a living entity, one of the legs, and the two people involved as the other two legs. Such a stool will never stand on its own with only one individual trying to make it work. A two-legged stool will never stand.

The same is true for ANY relationship to survive…parent and child, friendships, employer and employee, client and customer, or whatever. We must take the time to nourish the bonds that connect us…if we want them to continue.

I find it interesting to observe and be part of the evolution of a relationship. They’re precious no matter how long they last; the memory of a special connection can live in our memories forever. I get a warm, fuzzy feeling when I notice the seeds of a friendship taking root amongst members of our congregation. I melt in the love of a grandchild’s hug. A text from my adult children can turn into a laughing fest. An international phone call from my husband any time of the day or night is a testament to our long-term commitment. By whatever means available, making an effort to stay connected to the ones you care about deepens the joy of living…it helps to balance the three-legged stool…and turn it into a large and comfortable recliner.

I believe and teach that what you think, say and do is returned in some manner to you. How beautiful life is when those seeds of love and friendship are sowed with all you know and returned exponentially from many directions. There is no end to the Good…to the Love. Why not share it abundantly as often as you can!  See you after my trip.

Getting Satisfaction

Posted on by cmryan

I love working with my hands. Always have. It allows me to express artistically and it doesn’t matter the project. I can find satisfaction in any form and endeavor.

I enjoy the physical demands of gardening and transforming a landscape with my ideas and suitable plants. I’m in absolute bliss by the smell of fresh cut wood and sawdust. I’m delightfully challenged by the intricacy of tile cutting and then grouting them into walls or floors. I can spend hours in the store touching fabrics, selecting patterns, and then creating fashion and home décor projects. My latest hand-oriented interests include stringing beads into jewelry and fashion, decluttering, organizing, installing shelves, and eliminating life’s excess possessions, as well as lots of writing and computer work. As each project is completed, new inspirations take their place. Every one brings its own level of satisfaction and growth.

Levels of satisfaction vary in their intensity. It could be as subtle as an approving glance and a smile as you walk through your freshly-painted room. It may be sitting at the edge of a weed-free flower bed as you breathe in the wet dirt and the scent of freshly mowed grass. Perhaps you stack, re-sort and re-organize (over several hours) the garage contents on newly installed shelves, to visualize all the possible arrangements. Other displays of personal satisfaction and contentment range from fluffing pillows a dozen times in a newly decorated room… to pushing the computer’s ENTER key when an article is ready for publication… to supporting a friend through a tough challenge… to dragging a family member into a room to look at your latest organizational endeavor.

Whether you have a desire to tackle mountainous goals in business… live in service to others…  create artistic forms…  or learn how to simply be still in the silence for five minutes…  it can happen – one step at a time. Yes, you CAN get satisfaction from the simplest things in life to the most challenging. And it looks different to each of us.

I believe satisfaction, true contentment, is simply feeling peaceful, knowing you gave it your best effort in this particular time and place with all the skills you have right now. It’s becoming your fullest and best YOU in each moment. It’s that quiet happiness that wells up from deep within and just fills your entire being from the inside out. Your mind and body radiate with light and love – the love of God in expression as you with all your talents and creativity, all your mistakes and corrections, all your confidences and insecurities. This unlimited Divine Love doesn’t judge and It never ends. It is complete within Itself…gentle and supportive, encouraging and uplifting. God requires nothing from you…ever.

I love working with my hands and the peace it brings to my life. It allows me to witness my spiritual growth in an outward manner. I get to become Love…and connect with God in a very personal way. Sigh. As soon as I hit the ENTER key, I think I’ll just sit here for awhile…and smile.

My name is…and I’m a…

Posted on by cmryan

What do an unkempt yard, garden tools, and a timer have in common? The answer… awareness and inspiration. My time pulling weeds and cleaning up garden debris has brought to the forefront of my awareness an obvious addiction I’ve had for years…perhaps my entire adult life. It’s one that is often welcomed in the professional arena. But before my friends and congregants get too concerned about my problem, let me declare it here and now: I’m a workaholic…on the path to recovery.

During the past two years, I’ve focused on two separate careers. Long hours and extensive commuting have been the priority, excluding me from any kind of real life. Now, having left the distant, full-time office job and turning full-time focus to ministry, teaching and writing while working from home, I’m discovering the challenges of creating my day’s schedule, learning to rest without becoming complacent or distracted (staying motivated), and quieting the voice in my head that constantly tells me I’m not doing enough.

Just recently, I literally forced myself to spend an afternoon on the couch, resting after a busy Sunday morning and watching television with my husband. There was work waiting at my desk (there always is) and projects were clearly visible around the house, in the yard, garage, and especially in my office. The whole time I was on the couch, that ugly voice was whispering how lazy I was….that I wasn’t really tired and didn’t need to sit there…that work – any work – was more important than television (no matter what was on)…that I’d pay for it later…and other things that were much more critical and hurtful. Ego will say whatever it can to keep things static, familiar. It was all I could do to force my restless body to stay seated in the recliner.

I have always known how to work. I learned it at an early age and have been rewarded for my efforts. It’s what I do best. Frankly, resting, taking breaks, or relaxing is where the difficulty lies. Take away my opportunity to work on a project, to solve a problem, to meet a deadline, and it’s like taking away the bottle from an alcoholic or drugs from an addict. In the past, given a choice to work or go to some social event, I’d gladly choose work (in my head). Most always I have two or three or more projects going at the same time. My brain never shuts off and is generally focused on work-related topics. I learned I could rest when the work is done, but it never is. I’d start a 12-Step group in my area, but taking on another task would only add to the problem. (Go to Workaholics-Anonymous.org for symptoms of this addiction.)

As I work on my landscape maintenance projects, something I absolutely love doing, it’s become critical for my health to pace myself. I use a timer…and the “power of an hour.” I give myself one hour each morning to play in the dirt – that’s it. Then I consciously talk myself into cleaning up, putting away the garden tools, bagging up the weeds and yard trash, before going on to the next task (it’s quite a conversation!)…where I set the timer again. If I don’t limit my time in this manner, I have been known to work myself into exhaustion – euphoric with what I’ve visibly accomplished, but unable to move a muscle from all the adrenal push and exhaustion. My body needs the physical exercise and movement, but I don’t need to work myself to death. Yes, it appears I’ve reached bottom.

My ego had been fairly quiet these past two years as I pushed myself through an insane schedule and rationalized it was something I had to do. Now, it’s shouting again. Making the choice to focus on one career and a personal life has not been an easy one for me. I’m seeing me in a glaring light of self-awareness. I’m noticing the difficulty in pacing myself through projects, finding balance on a daily basis, and committing to recovery from this obsessive, addictive behavior. I’ve even begun to set the timer for my rest periods or fun activities, too, so I know when I can get back to work. Baby steps…one day at a time.

I’m ready to enjoy life – every bit of it – family, friends, home, hobbies, fun and relation, time for me, and work – each in its own turn. I’m grateful for all the loving support in this recovery endeavor. It’ll be interest­ing to see who I become through the process. I could go on and on about this, but right now, I’m being called outside to give a six-year-old lessons in tree climbing. See you later.

Higher Perspective

Posted on by cmryan

 The deck on the back of our house is quite roomy. It’s also about four feet above the ground. Lately, I’ve noticed that this is an ideal “perch” for my newly-acquired dog and from which she can survey her surroundings. The higher perspective allows Zelda to be discerning as to any expenditure of energy (racing to the fence line) and how much communication (AKA barking) she needs to do. It also provides a lesson for me. A higher perspective has a purpose.

Each day, in the cool morning hours, this protective dog reluctantly leaves my side to go outside and lie down on the deck at the top of the stairs. She is undisturbed as the hummingbirds feed above her head. Robins and other urban birds come and go across our landscape, pulling worms from the ground, drinking from the birdbath, or robbing fruit from the bushes and trees. The flowers bloom and buzz with bees. The wind rustles the leaves on trees. The sun begins to stretch its rays across the grass and rocks. Zelda is queen of her domain and this is the beginning of a new day. She faithfully pauses for these few moments to connect to nature and re-establish her place in the world. This ritual has a purpose.

Zelda is content to share this space with small, winged creatures. However, four-legged mammals and non-family humans are not so welcome. She is vigilant about keeping the yard free of roaming squirrels and rabbits, too. She warns the neighborhood kids and other dogs not to walk too closely to our fence as they travel the path behind our property. Watchful vigilance has a purpose. The fence protects them from her territorial nature as much as it provides a safe place for her to explore. Fences have a purpose.

Through this small, furry creature I am reminded each day – first and foremost – to pause, reflect, and give thanks for the wonder of Life surrounding me and expressed so abundantly in Nature. I know it is my privilege and responsibility to share blessings and gifts with others…whether it’s making a financial donation, offering a smile, or sharing conversation over a cup of coffee. It is also important to know what one’s boundaries are, as well as limits set by others, and to honor them. In addition, I see the value in balance…perhaps being busy, running around doing my business, maybe even shouting (barking) to others about things that need to be done…and then off-setting that with periods of rest and contemplation.

Mostly, I treasure the lesson of holding a higher perspective of Life. Yes, Life has challenges. But I don’t need to have all the answers in every moment; I just need to trust that God does. When I consistently focus on the Highest Good for all involved, on the simplicity and joy of Life, and on basic Universal Principles applied to all my affairs, my life expresses fully and in absolute grace. I know what to do and when to do it. The details fall into place naturally, easily. I can relax my impulsive defenses and rest assured that all is well. Everything I truly desire is already mine!

CHARACTER

Posted on by cmryan

One of the aspects of our family home, the one we’ve moved back into in recent months, is that – as one friend commented – it has character. Yes, it does. It has unique attributes that give it its own personality and atmosphere, similar to the way people have theirs. It got me wondering, “How does this happen to a house? How do we recognize when a person has character? What does that really mean?”

A few definitions for “character” include: personality, disposition, moral fiber, nature, spirit, and more. When applied to a house, it must come from its architects and, eventually, its residents. We can witness over time how a homeowner or family adds to the personality of a house through its décor, landscaping, and wear-and-tear – the livingness of life. The nicks and bruises, repairs and improvements, even the human or animal scents of those who live there, all modify the original structure. Modifications can be the result of a family’s growth, such as changing a paint color of a room to indicate a boy or girl occupies that space, adding an addition or remodeling a basement as individual interests expand. The space becomes personalized and takes on features that are connected to its occupants and their life events.

This happens to us as well. Our physical development as humans begins in the womb, before we even enter this outer world. We’re born into a family or situation that begins to mold the person we can become – through traditions, rituals, customs, rules, etc. We begin to engage in the shared world, go to schools, join activities, groups and churches, make friends and adversaries, get jobs, and have all sorts of relationships. Every interaction and experience impacts us in some way…it just does.

You may not remember every single thing in detail, but your participation is forever logged in your being, whether physically, mentally or spiritually. It shapes the person you become – and you are always becoming more of who you are capable of being. This “what” – this beingness of you­ – is your character. Just like a home – the nicks and bruises of life, the self-improvements and growth opportunities, the mental expansion that experiences naturally provide – your personality, nature, and spirit are impacted. These factors and more shape the person you are and how you respond to the world and all its interactions of life.

Your character is your way of being in the world, how you think about it, and your part in it. It’s the way you react or respond… judge or accept… blame or take responsibility… avoid or participate… reject or choose. While aspects of character, such as honesty, integrity, ethics, etc., are shared by all, each person’s interpretation of those aspects is what makes their character unique to them. I learned a quotation decades ago that has served me well: “The true character of a man is what he does when no one is looking.” (This applies to women, too.)

A house becomes a home…a baby becomes an adult. Every transformation may include pain and hard work. The final result depends on the effort made throughout the process and the quality of mind put into the creation. As long as you are breathing, you will never be finished creating the person you can become and the character you hold within. And isn’t that a wonderful thing!

AAA+

Posted on by cmryan

The title above is not an endorsement for a towing service or an insurance company. It stands today for “Awareness, Acknowledgment, Action. Appreciation.” It is my simple system of up-leveling life and staying in a positive frame of mind, no matter what is going on around you. This “triple-A+” approach is a quick reminder to me of how to stay centered in the affirmative and to keep growing consciously in life.

Awareness. If you don’t pay attention, you won’t know what’s wrong or right in your life and the world around you. Sometimes we need a “wake up call” or to “hit bottom” before our eyes are opened to reality – the “what is” of life without all our subconscious filters distorting the view. For example, we may become aware of a certain limitation (physical, mental, emotional, financial, etc.) that keeps us from pursuing some particular goal or dream. We can either accept that limitation and halt our plans or we can work on changing the limitation to a strength. Being aware is the first step.

Acknowledgment. This part of the formula requires that we are rigorously honest with ourselves. Frankly, if we can’t be truly honest with ourselves, how can we ever be honest with anyone else? I’ve been working on my knowledge and practices in regard to the way I handle my finances. Through my personal studies, I’ve learned that, for many adult years, I spent any extra cash (and often credit) in the same manner I learned in childhood. Only I can make the change and there’s no one else to blame for the financial position in which I place myself. I am responsible. Going along with my husband on a deal that doesn’t really feel good to me…or trying to convince him to agree with one of my unnecessary remodeling projects…involves taking a hard look at MY part in the process. There are always consequences – positive or negative – cause and effect – for every decision.

Action. Once I’m aware of my pursuit or challenge and acknowledge what part I play in the process, then it’s time to take action. This means I actually DO something about it! I don’t just sit back and complain how unfair life is or blame another because it’s not as easy as it “should be.” Stop “should-ing” on yourself. Making a “To Do” list, remodeling blueprint or financial plan is an action step. Saving 10 cents of every dollar for retire­ment is an action step. Weeding one section of the garden each day is an action step. Do what you can with what you have to work with. Procrastination gets you nowhere.

Appreciation.  Step back and appreciate how far you’ve come…this day, this week, this year or even this decade. My husband and I recently took a quick journey down memory lane and recapped what we’ve accomplished in the past 20 years of our lives. (We’ve been together 17 of them.) It was an amazing realization! If we do that much in the next 20 – holy moly! Actually, we’ll probably do more. Through this review, we came to appreciate each other and our individual selves for the personal growth and accomplishments we have each contributed to our marriage and partnership. The whole is so much greater than the parts, yet the parts are what make the whole!

The “AAA+” approach keeps me on-track toward creating a life I love and can share with others. Use this process, tweak it as you choose. The only way you can lose in the game of Life, is if you don’t play. Never quit! Don’t give up. Keep moving forward. If you’re breathing and thinking, then there’s something you can do. Keep growing.

Good Grief

Posted on by cmryan

I did it! Last week I officially resigned from a “secure” employment position to focus on my ministry and entrepreneurial interests. (Security is a relative term; the company and its employees experienced four lay-offs in less than two years.) I know the timing is perfect for I’ve felt nothing but exhaustion for several days since. There was little physical energy left to continue that insane schedule. However, while I can rationalize or justify the ‘why’ of each emotion or physical feeling, I’ve felt incredible sadness, sleeplessness, and very little motivation to do anything I enjoy…up until now.

I’m convinced that this mix of feelings – mental and physical – is not only a result of the release after working two full-time jobs for nearly two years, but also a form of grief. I have let go a professional role that I have known for more than 30 years. I have supported corporate managers, sales teams, presidents and CEOs. I have provided a set of technical and interpersonal office skills that are not yet developed in the person who just replaced my position. Such development takes time. Fortunately, my skills will always be mine; I can take them with me wherever I go.

In spite of that awareness and the choice I made to leave that job, this is a time to honor the release of a career that, in many ways, I have outgrown. The sadness or grief that has welled up so unexpectedly will pass in time…as does all grief. It is good to experience the low’s so we can better appreciate the high’s. Opposites are a common occurrence in our world. As long as I don’t wallow too long in these lowered feelings, the grief will transform into Good. The mystery is:  into what will it transform? What “phoenix” will arise from the ashes? This is a monumental turning point and one worth remembering!

I have tremendous appreciation for this moment of opportunity…for my husband and partner…for our church congregants and volunteers…for the gifts of talent I have and those yet to discover…for a new career path to fully explore and embrace the Divine. The excitement of creating a larger future, of expressing more of who I am and to serve the world in greater ways, pulls me from this grief to focus on the unlimited possibilities of Life! Where do I start? With gratitude… for all I have and AM in this world, as well as all I AM yet to be.

God is Good…Good is God. And so it is!

Hunger

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I heard an odd sound this morning, something I haven’t experienced for awhile. My stomach grumbled…and not because I was deprived of food in any way.  I wasn’t on a diet of any sort. However, I did notice I was a little hungry. While I was able to quickly satisfy my physical craving for food, it got me thinking about another type of hunger.

You might think of this “hunger” as longing and discontent, a craving for something more, a way to live life more fully, to express more completely as who you are. I live with this desire all the time. I feel constantly pushed by Spirit to discover more of what I can do, what I’m capable of creating and learning and expressing. Sometimes those closest to me shake their heads at all my plans and dreams. They tell me to slow down. Yet, they see only a small part of what is inside me, waiting…growing…visioning. The roots are deep.

The “push” inside of me is not about proving to anyone how much I can do, because frankly, of my own will, I can do nothing. The energy that fills me is Infinite and comes from a Higher Source than that provided through nourishment, muscle or a good night’s sleep. The discontent, expressing less than what I’m capable of, keeps me on-track to explore the limits of my talents, to develop new skills, to serve greater needs, and to dream bigger dreams.

Our arrival to and departure from this physical plane is usually shared with others. Life’s journey is never traveled alone. The soul energy that drives us comes and goes, in and out of this life, without any aid. It guides us, fills us, and every once in awhile, signals a hunger that has not yet been satisfied. I stand at that crossroad.

I’m preparing to embark on a career adventure for which I’m as prepared as I know to be – both as a minister and teacher (with a small but growing congregation), and as an entrepreneur. I have the business knowledge, the education, the licenses, the support of the people involved, and the desire to be more. These are all obvious areas that will be expanded or deepened through time. But there’s more to it than even all of that.

The new roles require my growth in consciousness and trust in the unknown. Unknown relationships. Unknown challenges and successes. Unknown talents as I grow myself (metaphorically) in directions I can’t clearly see right now. I get to put into daily, focused practice (what has only been a part-time effort up until now) the knowledge and wisdom of living as the leader I have craved to demonstrate.

I do not take this opportunity lightly. I cherish this change of professional direction…to create businesses that provide abundant income for life’s goals…to guide and create a strong community of spiritual seekers and students, those who are looking to awaken the discontent in themselves and feed their soul’s hunger…to develop and deepen relationships with family and friends that are uplifting and satisfying…to be all I came to be in this life. I am comforted knowing I will have help from both God and friend. Life’s journey is never traveled alone. Let’s dine together!