I recently saw a film about a well-known American baseball player in the 1940’s. It depicted the challenges of and racism toward a black athlete entering a strictly white sports team. Some parts of the movie were difficult to watch because the hatred was so clearly portrayed. It didn’t seem to matter to the team’s other players that this rookie was a phenomenal athlete or that the team’s improved standings as a result of his playing would benefit all of them. At least…not a first.
Eventually, much of the initial bigotry and prejudice amongst team members subsided, thanks to a forward-thinking team owner. The ideas associated with general racial discrimination became more specific over time. They became more discriminating about their discrimination. What an idea!
I find it interesting that two words, so similar in form, can be so different in meaning. Discrimination has synonyms like: bias, favoritism, prejudice, bigotry and intolerance. Discriminating, on the other hand, uses words like: sharp, astute, selected, perspective and discerning. Except for the positioning of the final two letters of each word, they’re identical. So where is all this going?
Any discrimination I have faced in life has not been racially based. Religious, yes. Gender, yes. Economic, yes. Nationality, yes. As a result, those experiences have made me more discriminating, whether I’m close to someone or not. For example, I’ve felt the pangs of religious discrimination from family members; it can come from anywhere. That experience had a significant influence on my efforts today to warmly welcome everyone who chooses to explore New Thought teachings and, in particular, our Spiritual community and church.
Much Good for my personal and Spiritual growth has resulted from those past hurts. I am…
more selective about what I share about myself or when I voice my opinion. I don’t need to comment on everything.
diligent in keeping an open or objective perspective about the world, to be more accepting of people as they are…neutral, non-judgmental. (It takes a little more effort and sharp focus when the people are closer to you in relationship. )
able to separate the person (that child of God) from their misbehavior, which has allowed me to practice forgiveness more readily.
an astute observer, noticing details about a person’s words, body movements, voice tone, or other communication methods. As I really see people, I’m able to notice their vulnerability, their authentic Self, and offer compassion and kindness that connects us at a heart-level, a soul-level, where we recognize we are all part of that Divine Oneness.
These are discriminating ideas that I offer to you now as well. If we were to hone our discriminating skills, using the four bullet points above, we might never experience discrimination again. Think about it. Isn’t it about time?
A couple of weeks ago I came down with a seasonal flu or cold or something viral. It kept me in bed for two days (sort of), sleeping and eating vegetables and fruits as much as possible so my body could heal. I love that about the human body. It KNOWS how to fight off infections, viruses, bacteria, etc. if we only provide it with the proper conditions for healing….rest, water, nutrients, positive intention. So that was my goal. My body recovered pretty fast (I don’t make a very good patient anyway).
While in bed resting, I watched a couple of documentary films about food and healing that included the process of “juicing.” Great idea! In an effort to assist my body back to a healthy state, I started juicing raw fruits and vegetables. You see, I also lost a bit of weight during those five days of illness and I’d prefer they stayed lost. Juicing allows me to take in the nutrients and not the bulk, so I can actually “eat” several helpings of the good stuff – like we’re instructed to do. I am mixing wonderful flavors and really enjoying the added energy, convenient preparation and cleanup, and the variety of foods I now consume. I also started taking 30-minute walks. More excess weight is going away and I’m detoxing in the process.
I wish I could say the process was as quick and effective when it came to my mental attitude in the midst of unnecessary confrontation or challenge. Is there a way to detox my demeanor, too?
I don’t like using the excuse of “I’m not feeling well” as the reason for my occasional sour disposition. I know better. And I certainly don’t like placing blame on others for their rude manners, condescending attitudes, or sarcastic remarks. There are times when I struggle to just let such behavior flow past me or when I’m moved to stop the onslaught and say something. Lately, I’ve been “responding” rather than being reserved. It’s the responses I’d like to change.
Someone reminded me recently how much they “hate” being talked to like they were stupid. I share that sentiment. Yet, I have to catch myself in those challenging moments to not fling back this same stinging dialogue. My ego-self goes into instant defense mode…before my God-self can take a breath, think, and respond – either with silence (for there is power there, too) or with a calm, respectful statement. I don’t like my defensiveness any more than I like being brushed aside. That’s where the detoxing of my mental state, demeanor, comes in. And that is where the simple act of taking a breath may be the key solution.
Just like the juicing machine takes out all the bulk from the raw foods and provides only the juicy nutrients in an easy-to-digest liquid form, taking a breath (or two) before speaking in those tense situations can remove the sarcasm and hurtful sting from words hurled at an unsuspecting target. A simple breath can cleanse the mind (detox), provide a few seconds of silence (power), and allow only the juicy, respectful, easy-to-accept expression (nutrients) of who you are to be heard and understood. It lowers the negative energy in those tense situations and creates a pool of calm for everyone involved.
Divine Spirit recognizes and connects one person to another, if only for a micro-second, and healing occurs. I feel better already.
One of the aspects of our family home, the one we’ve moved back into in recent months, is that – as one friend commented – it has character. Yes, it does. It has unique attributes that give it its own personality and atmosphere, similar to the way people have theirs. It got me wondering, “How does this happen to a house? How do we recognize when a person has character? What does that really mean?”
A few definitions for “character” include: personality, disposition, moral fiber, nature, spirit, and more. When applied to a house, it must come from its architects and, eventually, its residents. We can witness over time how a homeowner or family adds to the personality of a house through its décor, landscaping, and wear-and-tear – the livingness of life. The nicks and bruises, repairs and improvements, even the human or animal scents of those who live there, all modify the original structure. Modifications can be the result of a family’s growth, such as changing a paint color of a room to indicate a boy or girl occupies that space, adding an addition or remodeling a basement as individual interests expand. The space becomes personalized and takes on features that are connected to its occupants and their life events.
This happens to us as well. Our physical development as humans begins in the womb, before we even enter this outer world. We’re born into a family or situation that begins to mold the person we can become – through traditions, rituals, customs, rules, etc. We begin to engage in the shared world, go to schools, join activities, groups and churches, make friends and adversaries, get jobs, and have all sorts of relationships. Every interaction and experience impacts us in some way…it just does.
You may not remember every single thing in detail, but your participation is forever logged in your being, whether physically, mentally or spiritually. It shapes the person you become – and you are always becoming more of who you are capable of being. This “what” – this beingness of you – is your character. Just like a home – the nicks and bruises of life, the self-improvements and growth opportunities, the mental expansion that experiences naturally provide – your personality, nature, and spirit are impacted. These factors and more shape the person you are and how you respond to the world and all its interactions of life.
Your character is your way of being in the world, how you think about it, and your part in it. It’s the way you react or respond… judge or accept… blame or take responsibility… avoid or participate… reject or choose. While aspects of character, such as honesty, integrity, ethics, etc., are shared by all, each person’s interpretation of those aspects is what makes their character unique to them. I learned a quotation decades ago that has served me well: “The true character of a man is what he does when no one is looking.” (This applies to women, too.)
A house becomes a home…a baby becomes an adult. Every transformation may include pain and hard work. The final result depends on the effort made throughout the process and the quality of mind put into the creation. As long as you are breathing, you will never be finished creating the person you can become and the character you hold within. And isn’t that a wonderful thing!
At first glance this title may suggest that I’m asking someone what they want so I can help fulfill that desire. Actually, this is far from the meaning. While I am more than willing to assist, pray and encourage others to fulfill their dreams and goals, it is no longer in my nature to do it for them.
What this title is asking is that you be direct with me (and others)…that you speak honestly, authentically and from the heart…with compassion and respect, of course. Rest assured that I will do the same with you. A slogan I learned years ago states: “Honesty without compassion is brutality.”
When a person speaks Truth (based on principle, objectively and from their God-self), it’s much easier to hear, too. All the excuses or whining, the reasons why-not, and the justifications for being unkind, just seem to disappear and fall away. The words and emotions of Truth are more recognizable because they’re in all of us. It’s the human drama details that get in the way of us communicating effectively with one another.
I want to hear what you want to say…at the gut level, from the heart. Tell it to me straight the first time. Don’t give me a story now because you think that’s what I want to hear, and then later change the information or avoid the topic (and me) altogether. Tell me what you really want to say…what you really want to create in your life, in our relationship. I may not like the specific words used or the decision you make, but I accept your right to choose and I will heal whatever pain is felt, knowing there is actually love behind your words and actions.
I want to see the real you and the situation for what it is…not what I (or you) hope it might be…maybe…someday. I want to know the substance of who you are in this moment. I want to know you at the soul level. We are connected much more than we realize; we share a common Life Force. Truly, we are One. Whatever you say to me, you will hear as well. Your soul will. My heart will. Speak Truth and Principle and Love for one another…and tell me what you want.
In recent days I’ve become aware of a practice I find very disturbing. It appears our American society regularly practices the habits of labeling, profiling, discriminating and separating various segments of our culture into smaller and smaller pieces. This practice, of course, only serves to position “us against them” and cause discord on many levels. I have not paid much any attention to this, until a comment was made at my church. I will stay quiet no longer.
The first nudge began with an article that came across my desk, comparing the characteristics between introverts and extroverts. Fortunately, it was a very positive piece, written to show the qualities each personality provides. Unfortunately, I don’t remember where I read it and can’t find it for my reference here. However, another website I discovered today (http://www.carlkingdom.com/10-myths-about-introverts) provides something similar, though highlights more the benefits of being an introvert. Both personalities are necessary to our world; one is not better than the other. Each has strengths to compliment and support the other. Balance is created when both are accepted into an organization or society.
The next unsettling bit of news came from a congressional bill that aimed to protect a familiar segment of society – those who wear leather jackets and ride motorcycles. The bill is/was an attempt to protect such folks from discrimination (as is done for gender, age, religion, etc.) by businesses or access to (commercial) property and refusal of service simply because of what they are wearing and what they drive [my interpretation of the bill]. I wasn’t even aware such fear and bias existed to such a degree, in my state of residence, in this century! To refuse service because of bad/offensive behavior, that’s more reasonable as it stems from the Universal Law of Cause and Effect.
Having personally experienced various degrees of discrimination myself – due to nationality, gender, age, and religion – the idea that I could be refused service because I rode a motorcycle and wore a practical, heavy coat against the wind and elements – just seems barbaric in today’s world. So I have to ask, does my being an introverted, female minister and a working, educated professional over the age of 55 who also likes to ride on the back of her husband’s motorcycle and wear black leather jacket, boots and chaps…am I a threat to your business? Really? I’m having a hard time expressing how ludicrous this is. What happened to “One nation…under God”? What happened to accepting our differences? What happened to Oneness taught in ALL major religions?
One of the things I preach EVERY Sunday is the acceptance of ALL people who come through the doors of our church and live in our world. We honor all paths, all faiths, all forms of prayer and worship…because at the core root of most religions, the same principles are found and we all worship the same God. Each religion teaches there is ONE God, thus, we are all praying to the same entity.
We are all members of the same family – the human family – and as such, I strongly discourage labels that even hint at separation thinking. For example, I prefer congregants over members – when referring to those who attend our spiritual community, so that everyone is included. It takes every one of us to create a welcoming and friendly atmosphere. But it only takes one fearful person carelessly expressing a personal bias against a certain group of people to damage the efforts of so many loving and open hearts. Whether in jest or in sincerity, words that separate do little good. Perhaps those thoughts, those beliefs, need to be examined and replaced.
Obviously, I have more work to do within my own church family. Apparently, I need to be more of a living example of what I’m expressing in these words. And, yes, I am more than willing to discuss the concepts and practices of Acceptance and Oneness with whomever is still living in fear of these ideals or does not yet understand the damage done through indiscriminate labeling and name-calling.
Based on the situations I’ve encountered just this week, I’ll be busy for quite some time. Won’t you join me in loving consciousness…for expanded acceptance of one another … for our human family? … for our Spiritual Oneness?
I finally find myself in a work environment – corporate-based but within the educational realm – where I am inspired by the integrity and passion for service of the people, the leaders, within the organization for the customers (students) they serve.
There is an atmosphere of truly wanting to do the right thing, even if that means putting on hold all the other active projects so this immediate issue – be it a student in need or a policy that needs urgent support – can have full attention. No excuses. There is the expectation that everything can be better; a striving for higher quality, open and direct communication with one another, full disclosure and performing at your highest capability. This is my work heaven. This is where I thrive.
I drive to work each day excited to be going there and anxious to contribute to the greater good in any way I’m able. I know I’m appreciated for what I do, because no one is afraid or embarrassed to say “thank you” or “that was really helpful.” I expect a cooperative environment because that is what I’m putting forth in my work efforts. My tasks are interlaced with many others and yet everything I need to complete a project shows up, on time, and in the best way possible. It opens the door for equal reciprocation and cooperation…and so the cycle continues spiraling upward toward a greater respect for one another and one another’s talents.
My intent is to continue recognizing the good that surrounds me so I can reflect that back to others in my life…at work and elsewhere. I am so blessed to be surrounded by integrity, respectfully appreciated, and given the opportunity to express my talents for the greater good of those we serve. I am truly blessed.
Some website design companies hold their clients hostage when it comes time to make updates. A question of ethics?
The other day I was once again reminded why I help friends and clients with their websites. There’s more to it than just enjoying the creative side of the design or my perfectionistic tendencies of correcting punctuation errors. There’s the deeper motivation to right a wrong…what I define as an unwarranted business practice in the world of website maintenance.
My new client wants to make changes to her six-year-old website; it’s time for an update. To do this, of course, I need log-in information and passwords, the hosting company URL address, and any other account details she can offer. (If she still has a contract with the firm, they’re most likely not going to allow me access to her account.) But it’s been six years; she can’t remember any contract and there have certainly been no updates by the website design/hosting company. So she gives them a call.
Not only will they NOT give her – the client and owner of the site – access to her account, they tell her THEY own the content on her site. This is her business site, mind you. The design/hosting company has added industry-specific features (add-on templates) that they also provide to other similar sites – competitors to my client – but she wrote a good deal of the content information as well. Plus, while they’ve been charging her a hefty monthly fee to host the site (with no changes for six years!), now they want an equally hefty hourly or contract fee to make any updates. This scenario infuriates me enough to write about it!
It’s my opinion that a business owner owns his/her own website content – at least the portion they write themselves or that which they contract to have written for them. I also believe that, if the client wants access to their website to make simple changes (or those within their skill set to do so), give them access. If the business owner messes up the site, the designer can then be paid to straighten it out. And the business owner can decide in the future if they want to walk that path again.
When I assist a client with their site, I give them a number of options:
They can write the content; I’ll edit. After all, they know their business much better than I do.
I can make the design and text changes, widget uploads, suggestions for improvement…or I can teach them how to do it. Most business owners don’t have the time, desire or skills to do this, but I believe it should be their choice – not my dictate. I get paid either for doing the work or consulting/teaching them.
If at any time I’m not available to assist with their project or they can find it done more cheaply somewhere else (unlikely at this point), they can turn it over to another designer/contractor. That’s the beauty of free enterprise and competition. But to hold someone hostage like my client has experienced, I consider that totally unethical!!!
My client now faces the decisions of staying with this original design/hosting company and continuing to pay their escalating fees and sales pressure to totally redesign her site (for thousands of dollars!) …OR…have me (or another independent website designer) start all over to give her a site that she can have access to whenever she wants by whomever she wants. She has already stated to me that she does not want to do the updates herself (no time and limited website skills). It actually might be cheaper in the long run to have her site re-designed, but she has concern about losing some of the features already on the site (all those handy template add-ons). Maybe it’s the familiarity with what’s been there for so long.
Until she makes a decision, I’ve got work to do on her blog. See, I can share.
I’ve come to the conclusion that you can tell a great deal about a person’s character based upon the way they tend their yard. A correlation can be made to such activities when examining how a person faces life’s challenges, relationships and successes…a hint to the homeowner’s character.
I’ve come to the conclusion that you can tell a great deal about a person’s character based upon the way they tend their yard (“garden” as it’s referred to by our Australian friends, and the term I prefer to use). A correlation can be made to such activities when examining how a person faces life’s challenges, relationships and successes. Granted, not everyone likes to garden; that could be why there are so many landscaping companies available from which to choose. But in that, hiring professionals to maintain one’s property, there shows a level of integrity and concern, a hint to the homeowner’s character.
I’ve spent the past few days dedicated to cleaning up the large garden of my former home, preparing it for the realtor’s photographer and in hopes of making it more appealing to potential buyers. Each feature of the garden brought back memories of its design, installation, and years of maintenance, primarily by the strength of my own hands (and back). I’ve cleared ground, planted trees and flowers, and worked in sun and rain – alone and with family members – to create a garden and peaceful retreat in nature. It’s a park-like setting and a lovely sanctuary when it’s all cleaned up!
My days of pulling weeds have been many. The depleting strength in my arms bear witness to years of stem grabbing, ground softening, and roots breaking under my hands’ pressure to release their rooted grip from soil not designated for their existence. I’ve discovered there’s a lot that can be learned about a person’s character simply by observing the way they go about this solitary task.
For example, a friend of mine, an avid gardener, once offered to help me catch up on my weeding chore and ease the pain my arms were experiencing from the arduous process. I welcomed such help. My husband, though skilled in so many areas, is not a gardener and left its design and maintenance to me. On the other hand, my friend professed to be quite fond of gardening and adept at pulling weeds. I was excited to have someone with such an ardent passion for gardening volunteer to help me. She and I labored near one another, each of us addressing a different plot so as not to get underfoot of the other.
For a couple of hours we pulled and tugged at the noxious growth, stacking them up in piles as we went. While evening’s light became dim, there was enough to see several large piles of wilting weeds, evidence of where she had been, left behind in the wake of her weeding frenzy. I bagged my discarded weeds as I went along. She did not. Plastic trash bags were handy and close by, but unused. I pondered this, deciding whether to continue my own direction and another flower bed or to start collecting her weed piles before darkness fell or the wind scattered them about. I decided on the latter. While she chattered away on her cell phone to a distant voice, I silently stuffed trash bags with dying, unwanted plants and started to form some opinions about this weed-pulling style. When her conversation with the distant voice ended and the thick of darkness no longer allowed us to determine what we were pulling, and without offering to help pick up any of the weed debris, she went home, with my gratitude for her time spent in my garden.
The next morning’s daylight revealed some disappointment of the experience and further evidence of what I had begun to contemplate the previous evening regarding this person’s character.
A significant number of larger weeds still remained in the areas where my friend had been working. The tops were gone, the stems were stripped of leaves, but their roots remained intact. Only the smaller, easy-to-pull species had been removed completely. Many of the leaves that had been stripped from the larger plants still lay near the stem rather than having been tossed on the collection pile…a pile that remained for someone else – me – to pick up. It wasn’t just one or two weeds here and there; in every area she had worked the previous evening, it needed to be redone to some degree.
As much as I had welcomed this friend into my outdoor sanctuary, I wondered if I would have been better off without her help. Staring at the clean-up that laid before me, I started to make sense of little things that had come up in our friendship and which I had been unable to identify until now. I realized the correlation between levels of gardening care (weeding, in particular) and character traits didn’t just be relevant to her specifically, but could pertain to anyone. I became grateful for the awareness she had brought so clearly into view.
In pulling off just the leaves of the larger weeds and leaving behind the naked stems and imbedded roots, even when there were tools handy to dig them out and a watering hose available to soften the ground, it now made sense that she had left so much unfinished – that was the way she handled many areas of her life, including the relationship she had with me.
She had often headed up other projects in which I was involved, taking the lead and the credit for the goal’s success, but leaving the details and the cleanup to be completed by others. Someone else would have to dig in to get to the bottom of the project, reveal the hidden objections and challenges, and gather up all the materials after the venture was over…so that the next task or group could come forward. It was an “ah-ha” moment for me. Once again, as a result of choosing to partner with her, I was digging in, cleaning up, and carrying out the trash while she shared with others (I learned later) how she had come to my rescue to help me with some much-needed weeding.
I reflected on my own style of gardening and how it related to my sometimes pefectionistic nature and other personality traits. I had to test my theory even further. So how does it correlate? How do I measure up to these standards of weeding?
In many ways my gardening approach is very similar to the way I conduct my life – with a plan. I approach it methodically and with foresight so that, hopefully, I won’t have to redo any steps, such as planting a tree then realizing it’s in the wrong spot and having to move it later because it won’t survive in the first spot it was planted. I’d rather take a little more time planning than have to do something repeatedly due to a lack of preparation.
I have a tendency to be practical, taking things in logical sequence, following step-by-step procedures, paying attention to the details, and evaluating the importance of each along the way. I can troubleshoot as I go, make adjustments accordingly, and end up with better results, even if it means the overall plan must change from what was originally conceived. Thus, I focus on one garden bed at a time and pull the weeds in a small section, one area at a time. None are left behind. I thoroughly clear away all unwanted weed-like flora, leaving only those flowers, plants and shrubs that have been lovingly planted and will continue to be nurtured for the gifts of scent, fruit, and beauty they bring. Yes, some weeds will come back. However, with diligent awareness and care, they become less a nuisance and reduced in number. It’s a matter of focus and commitment.
I am practical, efficient, and tenacious. As long as something has to be done, why not do it with the least amount of effort – or create the condition so it isn’t so difficult (i.e., watering the ground around the weeds). Life doesn’t have to be hard. Weeding is easiest done after a rain storm or watering with a hose. The proper tools assist with the most stubborn of weeds – dig down to the root, loosen up the surrounding soil, and the buggers don’t stand a chance of staying intact. The idea is to be smarter than the weed and not give up!
I’m discerning. Some weeds grow in the most inconvenient spots (like in the middle of your favorite bulbs or ground cover) so that digging them up is a delicate proposition. Also, the weeds may be structured in such a way that too much pulling just breaks off the top at ground level and the roots can be difficult to remove totally (e.g., thistles). I can let the ground soften through watering, hoping they’ll come out more easily, but sometimes even that doesn’t work. This is when I have to decide just how much of a perfectionist I am – how important is it to get every single weed’s root out? The answer: it’s not!
I know with every fiber of my being that the thistle will grow another stem and leaves before the season is over. I can count on it! I find peace in that assuredness of nature. Even if I don’t succeed with this one plant now, I’ll get another opportunity to uproot its minor annoyance later. I don’t have to dig up my flower bed now, damaging my precious flowers or vines, to make a point…to be the “victor of the weed” and destroy a treasure of my heart.
I am dependable. I can be counted on to finish what I start until it is complete or no longer serves a worthwhile purpose. There have been many times when I question my annual weed-pulling ritual. Gardening often takes large blocks of time, energy, and strength; it’s a perpetual act – spring comes each year and the activity starts all over again. With each new spring the foliage has grown, become more mature and, usually, more glorious! It’s the first blossoms of the season that ignite the fire in me to garden once more. It’s a call to serve Mother Nature that I cannot ignore. My hands must reach deep into the dark, pungent soil to support this new life and clear away the dead or unwanted growth of the previous winter. It’s a time of examination of what can be saved, what can be restructured, and what must be discarded. In the same way I examine those parts of me that no longer serve my highest good, those that honor the very essence of my existence, and those that need love and care to develop into something even greater. I remove the weeds of negative thought, forgive that which I cannot change, release what no longer benefits my life, and nourish those gifts in me that best serve God and humanity.
And what gifts the garden offers in return! While engaged in the garden’s repair, I reminisce about the struggle to get the children to help with mowing, the yard games we shared, the pets that have lived and died here, the parties we’ve held, and the evenings sitting with my husband in front of the outdoor fireplace, roasting marshmallows with our grandchildren, or sitting alone meditating. My husband and I were married inside this house, and we restated our vows 10 years later on the wooden bridge I had built and placed over the small pond I dug by hand.
As I kneel now on the cool damp ground, pulling weeds once again, my back is gently warmed by the sun and I am lovingly grateful to a long-ago friend for helping me on this path. Hummingbirds whiz by in their quest for nectar or convenient urban feeders. I fondly remember the faces of others who helped sow seeds here, resulting in resplendent blossoms and vivid colors. I hear the gentle trickle of my pond’s miniature waterfall, just enough of a sound to bring a sense of joy to my heart. The gentle breeze rocks the willow tree’s branches to and fro as I gaze up in amazement at how much it’s grown in just five short years. The little blue spruce I planted fourteen years ago is now taller than me. I will miss this place, this private corner in Mother Nature’s world, this sanctuary for my soul…until the next one is created.
Creating and nurturing a garden is not a voluntary act for me; it’s an integral part of who I am. And while the size, variety, and location of my garden may change as the years go by, for whatever reason, I will always have a garden and feel the need to meld with the earth…to play in the dirt…to be in awe as the miracle of life grows from a seed to a blossom. Regardless of the work and effort it takes to create and maintain it, I have to do it…and do it well!
For in its creation, the seeds of who I am are grown.