Tag: family

Right-Sized Living

Posted on by cmryan

My mind is filled with the anticipation and excitement of an upcoming major life event. It can’t seem to stop the planning so I can sleep. Thus, I am awake once more in the middle of the night. We will soon be moving again – back to a house, a home, where we lived for many years.

We had left the house after extensive remodeling, turning it over to tenants who cared little for its history of projects, care and memories. After only a couple of years’ absence, and not being all that far away, we’ve decided to move back into our family home. It means selling a newer, larger, contemporary living space. It means sorting through boxes that were never unpacked; do we really need this stuff? It means doing all those things that are done when a house is to be prepared for sale at one location and another house is readied for inhabitants that have more possessions now than when they left. The clearing begins.

As the real estate participants and planners get involved in preparing this newer house for sale, my mind is focused on returning to our old home. We’re grateful not to have sold it when we first tried. There was a higher plan for us. We envisioned and discussed many times about moving at least one more time, preparing for those retirement years (should they ever come). Our plan included certain elements for our comfort and safety, size and location. Though about a third smaller in square footage than what we’ve been experiencing recently, there are definite features in the old home that can’t be matched.

Besides practical considerations (cheaper living costs, closer to work), our old home offers an intimacy and coziness that’s recognized by all who enter. It’s like putting on a pair of comfortable slippers after a long day. This home is filled with love and memories of our wedding, anniversaries, birthdays and innumerable holiday celebrations with family and friends. Every room bears signs of artistic effort or the marks of children now grown. The passing of time left its fingerprints on every wall. The gardens are developed and mature. Treasured possessions will find their place once again; the rest will find new homes. While our culture often uses the term “down-sizing” to describe this process, I prefer “right-sized” living.

I once heard the comment (presumably from a Scandinavian source): “Small house, big life.”  The intended meaning was that the smaller the space for collecting possessions or hiding away, the greater the possibility for getting out and experiencing Life!

A new era of “right-sized” living has begun. While the big, modern house is nice and I’m glad I experienced it, I’m ready to go home. I’m excited to get moved in, set up, and re-acquainted with the “old place” once more, feeling confident I won’t be moving again in the foreseeable future. I look forward to releasing what’s no longer needed to create an uncluttered and right-sized living environment. And, I anticipate with great joy the freedom to relax into Life…to know I can travel to foreign countries, have great adventures, meet people around the world…then settle down on my chaise in the silence of the night, and feel the home’s aliveness embrace this happy, sleepy soul. It’s just right!

Childlike Holidays with Less Stress

Posted on by cmryan

The holiday seasons seem to come earlier each year…or maybe just faster. Whatever the case, I’m determined to experience what it offers with the least amount of stress I can. Here are a couple ideas I’ve found helpful to make the season calmer and more serene.

First, do you remember when you would anticipate the holidays with the excitement of the unknown? You knew there would be some kind of good that would present itself. Part of that excitement was the fact that you did not know exactly what would happen. Go there again. Give up knowing how things are ‘supposed to’ turn out. Allow yourself to suspend judgment and pre-determined outcomes of the day. Let yourself be surprised by life! Sit back in childlike wonder and fresh attention to all holiday gatherings. Marvel at the synchronicity of life.

Second, as you allow yourself to be okay with the not knowing, trust that only good will present itself. See the good everywhere. See it in the aunt or uncle that has been distant, ask them what’s been happening in their lives. See the good in the guests who come to your home or that special gathering and offer their help with dinner preparations, even though they don’t know where any dish or utensil is located. See the good in the cousin or nephew who wants to debate every play of the football game, especially if your team is losing. See the good in the after-meal mess and leftovers, even if you’re the only one cleaning up. See the good in all the people who have chosen to come together during this special time, even if this is the only time of year they do it. See the good.

Third, come with a heart filled with love. Release all habits of controlling every aspect of the day, every minute of chaos, and every second of the conversation. Let this be a year of observation, listening, service and devotion. If you don’t have the opportunity to discuss every bit of news you came to share, then contact that person again, later, and do it. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to see them again anyway, maybe one-on-one, or speak to them on the phone? Make a date to spend time catching up with them, sharing more deeply and earnestly than is possible at a large family gathering. You will both surprise and delight them with the added attention of your interest in their lives. It can truly be a way to bond and grow closer as a family or friend. Feel the love.

Finally, I highly recommend an ‘attitude of gratitude’ – for Thanksgiving, the holidays that follow, or anytime – whether you spend them alone, with one person, or many others. Stay in gratitude for the family you have now and the ancestors that gave you a life path to this moment. Stay in thanksgiving for the abundance that provided you the means by which you are able to read these words. Continue to show appreciation to all who have participated in providing whatever meal you’re able to enjoy on these special occasions, for the transportation that got you there, or the home in which you’re hosting it. Gratitude creates an atmosphere to attract more good into your life.

These are all simple things to do. Whether it’s sharing a meal, grabbing a cup of coffee, or exchanging a present – appreciate that life is offered to you without any strings attached. The fun part is, the more you practice these concepts and the more you give them away, you may not only surprise a few people, you will get back so much more than you give. And what a gift that will be!

My Community, My Family

Posted on by cmryan

“Community” has been at the forefront of my consciousness lately. Whether it’s recovering from the recent layoffs at my office or attracting new people to our church. Community can be defined and experienced in many ways.

Rev. Michael Beckwith has his definition of community – communicate in unity. That can be talking things out, no matter how difficult the subject, or working together on a special project. Community is spending time at a business gathering or church service, just getting to know the people who are there and letting them get to know you. Isn’t that why we come together? To support each other for as long as we can?

Some of our members have been part of the PCCRS church community for a long time; others have joined in just the last year or two. What keeps us coming together? 

I used to think it was the minister and his/her style of delivering the Sunday message, and for some that may be the draw initially. Or maybe it was the music that filled the cracks of consciousness and made the Sunday experience one of rich harmony. Perhaps it’s the opportunity to serve and overcome challenges. But ministers come and go, presentation styles vary, problems get resolved, and even musicians move on to greater compositions.

The folks that are dedicated to a particular community don’t really come for those reasons. They’re here for each other. The minister, the message, the music, the challenges, even the treats and coffee…those are all just details. These can be important details because that’s what we’ve become accustomed to. But it doesn’t take much of a change or a shake-up to find out what’s really important in a community – it’s the people.

When a company lets go of several employees at the same time, those still holding jobs also hold onto each other and cherish the time they had with the ones saying ‘good-bye.’ When people come and go from a congregation, we miss them, welcome them back when they visit, and release them again, holding them in friendship inside our cherished memories. It doesn’t take a deep meditation practice to recognize the cycles of life apply to the coming and going in a community, too.

Community is what brings us back to the church in which we’ve grown as spiritual individuals. Community is an intangible, unseen bond that helps us recognize who we are within certain human circles. Community is what causes us to wear name badges that identify us with a particular group. Community is where we find love and support when life seems unusually challenging. Community helps us find strength to get up, dust ourselves off, and even laugh at our mistakes and trials as we move forward with greater awareness in a new and better direction. Community is our family of choice.

We don’t always have a say as to who will be part of our family, our community. All we can do is love the ones who are here.